I once screwed a woman unconscious. Only joking!!..she was unconscious when I found her.

Why did God put men on earth? Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

What’s a man’s definition of a romantic evening? Sex.

Things not to say during sex

Things not to say during sex: “Breathe through your nose, then.”

Things not to say during sex: ‘You’re good enough to do this for a living!”

Things not to say during sex: “You woke me up for THAT?”

My girlfriend is so bad in bed, I close my eyes and pretend she’s my hand.

My wife caught me masturbating.She said, “You make me feel sick”.I said, “The alternative is for us to have sex”.She said, “Sorry to disturb you, carry on”.

I bought myself dinner tonight. Hope to get at least a hand job out of it.

A lot of people say unprotected sex is better, which is why I always turn off my Anti Virus whilst watching porn

‘Always cum first, sex is a race and girls love a winner’

Sex Survey

10% of women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of women favour nudity.
45% of women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of women experienced anal sex.
70% of women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion:

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:

Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!