Those people that say that losing a loved one is the worst feeling in the world have obviously never had their cock touch the rim of the public toilet whilst taking a shit.

I think the guy next to me is gay. I’m trying to take a shit but he keeps giving me looks. Maybe I’ll try the next urinal.

Good memories are like farts, let them happen naturally. Try to force them and you’ll often end up with shit.

What do a pussy and a cigarette have in common? The closer you get to the butt, the stronger the taste.

I was on the toilet once for so long, I finally said to myself, “I’m getting too old for this shit”.

Life’s like oral sex, one slip of the tongue and your in the shit.